


ryuji is dead and we killed him

by k2_b0



Category: Persona 4, Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, M/M, Um some characters aren't even in it yet but i stg they will be, chatfic, eventually, i havent played p4 in a very long time so please forgive my mistakes w characters, its gay fellas, mishima is a good boy and i love him, morgana is mentioned some, sorry if it's ooc lol, this is my first p5 fanfiction and it's a chatfic smh, trans!Naoto, yu narukami is also mentioned like once
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-15 16:44:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13035282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k2_b0/pseuds/k2_b0
Summary: ~ Dick Boys has renamed the chat to bully ryuji day ~Pants: FGFDGFHHG





	1. we're all gay here

**Author's Note:**

> Pants: Hi mom yeah can you bring me my jorts 
> 
> S: IT WAS ONE TIME

{ _4:22 PM - Thursday_ }

 

**Group Chat**

 

~ _**Dick Boys** has added **Pants** , **Queen** , **S** , **Fox** , **hamilton** , **squid kid** , and **Dicktective** to the chat_ ~

~ _**Dick Boys** has renamed the chat to **This is a cry for help**_ ~

 

 **Dick Boys:** Welcome to the game.

 **Pants:** Pardon

 **S:** hey akira uhhhh what the eff is this

 **Dick Boys:** Ryuji you know you can say fuck, right

 **S:** fff

 **squid kid:** go on, ryuji, say it

 **S:** F

 **S:** Eff

 **Dicktective** : Sorry to rush the subject along but. Sakamoto, why is your name just "S"

 **S:** i hit enter too early

 **hamilton:** Oh, so it was a typo??

 **S:** yea lol

 **Fox:** He's made worse typos than that.

 **Pants:** For example :

{ _3:01 AM - Tuesday_ }  
_**RS:** i love dicks??? i mean their heads are sort of cold sometimes but i think they're cute_  
_**RS:** DUCKS FUCK I MEANT DUCKS_

_**AT:** DCCTGBKHJLK_

**S:** ANN FUCKGGN TAKAMAKI

 **Queen:** Ah, so he can say fuck.

 **S:** what is this, be mean to ryuji day

~ _**Dick Boys** has renamed the chat to **bully ryuji day**_ ~

 **Pants:** FGFDGFHHG

 **Queen:** Why would you know that ducks have cold heads in the first place

 **S:** chasing them can be productive i guess

 **squid kid:** wow what a big word!!!!

 **S:** stfu

 **Dicktective:** Wait

 **Dicktective:** IS MY SCREENNAME DICKTECTIVE

 **Dick Boys:** Wow great deduction skills !!!

 **Dicktective:** Stfu who did this

 **Dick Boys:** Oh my god who did this

 **Dick Boys:** ((me))

 **Pants:** It was the dick boys.............. of course,,,,......

 **hamilton:** Petition to call our study group this instead of "learning to read"

 **Dicktective:** I'm about to have a stroke how do I change this

 **S:** sorry im blind?

 **Pants:** My blinding homosexuality is a clouding my thoughts sorry idk how

 **Dick Boys:** I can change it bb

 **Dicktective:**  [idonttrustlikethat.jpg](https://i.redd.it/69jjdzbzs7mz.jpg)

 **Dicktective:** But whatever it can't get any worse

~ _**Dick Boys** has changed **Dicktective** 's name to **Light Yagami** _ ~

 **Light Yagami:** I was wrong

 **Dick Boys:** I can be your L babe

 **Light Yagami:** Meaning I get to slaughter you?

 **Queen:** Akira, if you go missing we have evidence on who did it

 **Dick Boys:** tbh id probably just be beating my meat in the dorm but i guess that you could blame akechi for that too

 **Fox:** That's gay, Akira.

 **Pants:** Do you beat your meat in front of mona

 **Pants:** Actually never mind. i dont want to know about your jo sessions.

 **S:** i do , so has the cat seen your dick or what

 **Dick Boys:** no.

 **Dick Boys:** And ryuji, that's gay

 **S:** i _am_ gay

 **Fox:** Point taken.

 **squid kid:** u arent special ryuji we're all gay here

 **Queen:** Lesbian.

 **Pants:** Pan

 **hamilton:** Lesbian as well

 **S:** we get it ladies, it's girls

 **Pants:** I said pan ryucky

 **Dick Boys:** RYUCKY

 **hamilton:** ryucky sackimomo

 **Light Yagami:** I cant believe Sakamoto is dead and that Ryucky killed him

 **Queen:** We will now take this time to mourn for our dear pet, Ryuji Sakamoto.... He will be missed.

 **S:** PET????????

 **S:** STOP SAYING IM DEAD WEVE DONE THIS BEFORE

 **Light Yagami:** It almost feels like he's still here sometimes......

~ _**S** has left the chat_ ~

~ _**Dick Boys** has added **S** to the chat_ ~

 **hamilton:** Poor Ryucky...... To have to witness this....

 **Fox:** I feel as if this is quite.... mean.

 **S:** _THANK_ YOU YUSUKE

 **Fox:** To force our dear new friend into this situation is quite cruel, after all?

 **S:** A. AAAAGHHHH

 **Dick Boys:** IM SCREAMJNNG SNATCH THAT HO LMFAO

 **Pants:** YUUSUKE.???? ZDVJK

 **S:** im telling yu on all of you bullies  >:(

 **Dick Boys:** Uh oh, hes pulling out the  >:( 's

 **Pants:** >;3c

 **Queen:** Ann Takamaki.

 **Pants:** <:3c Yes?

 **Queen:** Cease.

 **Pants:** (΄◉◞౪◟◉｀)

 **S:** What the fuck

 **hamilton:** (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

 **squid kid:** ( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮

 **Dick Boys:** Um Futaba Sakura, a high school girl as yourself should not be using such rude gestures????,,

 **squid kid:** ໒( . ͡° ͟ʖ ͡° . )७┌∩┐

 **Dick Boys:** I

 **S:** i cant believe akira is dead at futabas hands

 **squid kid:** that jokes done now, ryucky stfu

 **Pants:** Sorry to interrupt but guys quick uh question? how do i kill god?

 **Queen:** What

 **Pants:** God has cursed me with this gay and if i must kill her to be rid of it then so be it

 **Light Yagami:** Why would you think that killing a nonexistent entity would get rid of the hormonal imbalances that cause homosexuality ? If "god" can't help us escape our own personal hells, than who's to say that killing it can get rid of your gay?

 **Pants:** Um first of all, buddy, do you need to talk to someone?

 **Light Yagami:** No

 **Pants:** And also i think that god shouldn't have cursed me with this gay while having such a beautiful best friend that's all

 **S:** aw thanks :)

 **Pants:** not you

 **Dick Boys:** You still screaming over Shiho?

 **Pants:** YES. SHES SO PRETTY UGHH HAVE YOU EVER MET HER?

 **Dick Boys:** Yea lol

 **Pants:** It's like I know that we've been dating since high school but UM!!????? IM IN LOVE

 **Light Yagami:** If you've been dating her then why would you want to get rid of the gay? Wouldn't that ruin your relationship, if you were straight?

 **Pants:** I mean yeah but I'm a little too gay you know?

 **Light Yagami:** I hate to break it to you, but I'm probably the gayest man I know

 **S:** [ clears my big gay throat ]

 **S:** sorry there was some cum in there because im really gay

 **Dick Boys:** Sorry Ryucky, I don't think you can out-gay Light Yagami

 **Dick Boys:** I mean his last name "im a gay" backwards?

 **squid kid:** that joke is so dead that im tempted to kick you

 **Dick Boys:** You can't kick me, I'm god!

~ _**squid kid** has kicked **Dick Boys** from the chat _ ~

 **Light Yagami:** Good riddance.

 **Queen:** The evil is defeated.

 **Pants:** okay but back to the gay? shiho is so pretty? i love her so much ygh i love waking up knowing that i can calll her and injjjjhnn

 **hamilton:** That's very gay, Ann!

 **S:** @ Fox : u love me like that?

 **Fox:** No.

 **S:** w

 **squid kid:** WHATHHJGHJ

 **Fox:** I believe it's very difficult to love someone in the same ways as another person? My love for you is more like knowing that you will be there to complain about the last episode of Stranger Things, and that you'll pay for my bus fair when I've spent all of my money. It's the fact that even when you've had a terrible day you'll still be there to speak to everyone and help them out. It's that you're there, and that you will never change because you're you, and I love that you. I love you, Ryuji Sakamoto.

 **S:** wh

 **S:** what the fuck imcrying fuck

 **squid kid:** im... impressed, inari

 **S:** yusuke cang i come ober

 **S:** *can *over

 **Fox:** I hope that I did not upset you. But yes, why would you need to ask????

 **S:** thankhs

~ _**S** has gone offline_ ~

 **Fox:** ? Did I say something wrong?

 **Pants:** No ryujis just a big dumb gay who loves u smh

 **Pants:** Im cryin too

 **Fox:** Oh.

 **Fox:** It looks as if Ryuji is here. I will talk to you all later :)

~ _**Fox** has gone offline_ ~

 **Pants:** OH MY GOD HE USED A SMILEY????

 **Queen:** If Ryuji wasn't so emotionally constipated that conversation could've been much smoother.

 **hamilton:** You know he can read these, right??????

 **Queen:** I do.

 **hamilton:**  But!!! Since everyone is expressing their adoration I guess I can say that I love you Makoto !!!!

 **Queen:** HH

 **Pants:** WOAH

 **Queen:** I. I love you too, Haru.

 **hamilton:** !!!!!!  <3

 **Pants:** awwwwwwww

 **squid kid:** you guys don't even know my gf but shout out to her lol love u kana

 **Pants:** Nice ! Now it's yagami's turn to confess his love for someone . add akira into the chat again

 **Light Yagami:** Alright.

~ _**Light Yagami** has added **Dick Boys** to the chat_ ~

 **Light Yagami:** Fuck you

~ _**Light Yagami** has kicked **Dick Boys** from the chat _ ~

 **Pants:** i see

 **squid kid:** understandable, have a great day

 **Queen:** Im glad everyone here can be so open about their feelings and love lives.

 **hamilton:** I love Love Live!!!!!

 **squid kid:** im stopping this here. no idol things allowed.

 **Pants:** [noescape.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/19/61/22/1961220ff15f5d213c145979842df44f--random-things-funny-things.jpg)

 **squid kid:** watch me.

~ _this chat has been abolished_ ~


	2. that's kinky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S: yall want me to die every time i get on this hell chat?
> 
> Light Yagami: We want you to die even when you're not on this chat lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how tf did this get so many hits already ??? im shakin rn this is the best thank you all?

{ _2:36 AM - Friday_ }

**"Learning to read"**

**Akira:** FUTABA SAKURA ADD ME BACK

 **Haru:** She took down the chat in a fit of rage, sorry :(

 **Futaba:** look sorry but i don't tolerate fucking Love Live scum on my feed

 **Ann:** Ngl the franchise isn't that bad?

~ _**Futaba** has kicked **Ann** from the chat _ ~

 **Futaba:** i warned you

 **Goro:** Why do you hate Love Live so much

 **Futaba:** dont get me started

 **Akira:** It's too mainstream and Futaba is a hipster

 **Futaba:** AKIRA

 **Akira:** FUTABA

 **Futaba:** um hes lying first of all,

 **Yu:** Guys, this is our study chat.

 **Akira:** Sowwy daddie :((

 **Chie:** What the fuck

 **Akira:** You heard me.

 **Makoto:** Akira, get your bs onto your own server. Sorry, everyone.

 **Rise:** Sorry to bring this discussion back but ngl i hate love live too

 **Futaba:** rise,,,,,,,,

 **Ryuji:** Fuckin hipsters, dude..

 **Futaba:** stfu you toy story 3 loving mf

 **Ryuji:** first of all, toy story 3 was sad?

 **Yusuke:** How?

 **Ryuji:** THEY ALMOST DIED?

 **Akira:** We watched it together last year and Ryuji cried

 **Ryuji:** _I DID NOT_

~ _**Akira** has added **Ann** to the chat_ ~

  
**Akira:** Hey Ann didnt Ryuji cry when we watched toy story 3 together

 **Ann:** I REMEMBER THAT TUGHJGHM

 **Ryuji:** I DIDNT!!!!!!

 **Yosuke:** lmao sorry man it sounds like you did

 **Ryuji:** yosuke... you were my favorite senior.........

 **Yosuke:** what

 **Ryuji:** chie.: youve been promoted to my new favorite

 **Chie:** No offense but I really don't want that position

 **Yosuke:** WHAT

 **Yosuke:** NO LET ME BE YOUR FAVORITE

 **Ryuji:** sorry man, you bully ryuji you lose

 **Akira:** Im actually kind of scared that Yu 's silence means hes preparing to kill us so. im going to make a new chat

 **Yosuke:** NO WAIT RYUJI AM I REALLY NOT YOUR FAVORITE ANYMORE

 **Ryuji:** goodbye,,,,.

 **Ann:** Drama queen smh

  
~ _**Dick Boys** has added **Pants** , **S** , **Light Yagami** , **Queen** , **squid kid** , **hamilton** , and **Fox** to the chat_ ~

~ _**Dick Boys** has renamed the chat to **bully ryuji day**_ ~

 **Dick Boys:** Good

 **S:** [ inhale ]

 **S:** home sweet home.....

 **Pants:** I cant believe you'd harass Yosuke like that,,,,

 **Light Yagami:** It was funny, at least

 **hamilton:** I thought it was sort of mean....

 **Queen:** Akechi does have a bit of a sadistic streak, I guess.

 **Light Yagami:** It's the only joy I can get from this shithole life

 **Dick Boys:** Its hot af

 **Pants:** Down boy, there's no need to hump his leg

 **Dick Boys:** Yip ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **S:** quick, where's the muzzle?!

 **Queen:** This is getting a little too weird too fast.

 **Light Yagami:** Sorry, Im not into pet play

 **Dick Boys:** What are you into then

 **Light Yagami:** Murder.

 **Queen:** And...?

 **Light Yagami:** Are you expecting me to just spill all of my kinks here

 **hamilton:** I guess we are

 **Light Yagami:** I expected more from you, Makoto

 **Queen:** My curiosity is overruling my judgement, now tell us your kinks.

 **Fox:** I am into love and affection.

 **S:** aw hell yeah dude i got plenty of that to give

 **Pants:** Cute but this convo is about Akechi's edgy kinks sorry

 **Dick Boys:** Wait a sec

~ _**Dick Boys** has renamed the chat to **Akechi's kinks live**_ ~

 **Light Yagami:** We are not doing this at 3 AM

 **S:** im afraid we are, my dude

 **Pants:** This calls for some detective work.

~ _**Pants** has added **Noato** to the chat _ ~

 **hamilton:** You added Naoto to the chat?

 **Pants:** Hes the best detective I know :)

 **Light Yagami:** Wow thanks for the confidence boost!

 **Pants:** You hate your job so stfu

 **Noato:** WHAT IS THIS? PLZ REMOVE ME FROM THIS CHAT

 **S:** oh god please tell me that you dont type in all caps

 **Noato:** No, haha, not anymore.

 **Pants:** WOAH WAS THAT A JOKE?

 **Noato:** I guess it could be?

 **Queen:** I cant believe you added him for real...

 **Pants:** Um we need to figure out Akechi's kinks and need a detective???

 **Light Yagami:** SHUT UP

 **Noato:** A. Akechi?

 **Light Yagami:** ANN TAKAMAKI YOU CUCK

 **S:** oh my GOD DID YOU JUST CALL ANN A CUCKJJHJ

 **Pants:** IM CFRAJHJBMMBB

 **Dick Boys:** WGAT THE HELL

 **Light Yagami:** I apologize, Naoto. I will remove you from the chat at your request.

 **Noato:** Oh, no, its fine. But at least I've confirmed that it is you, Akechi. Based off of the name of the chat I can see that you're being hounded over your kinks?

 **Light Yagami:** Please never say anything like that again, but yes

 **Noato:** Ah, if that's all this is, then I can say wholeheartedly that Akechi's kinks include praise, choking, and a sub/dom sort of situation.

 **Pants:** I

 **Dick Boys:** WGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

 **squid kid:** oh my FUCKING GOD

 **hamilton:** I think.. I'm about to have a stroke fbjyjgdjbb

 **S:** WHAT THE HELL

 **Queen:** I think I'm crying omg

 **Fox:** Meas well fgb

 **Pants:** OMGFGN EVEN YUSUKE IS KEYYBOARD SMASKNG

 **Light Yagami:** N. Naoto.

 **Noato:** Yes?

 **Light Yagami:** Why..? H.z How?

 **Noato:** Everyone wanted to know what they were, I assume. Besides, I'm uncertain if those are actually your kinks. I'm just going off the information I gathered from seeing and speaking with you.

 **Noato:** You always have a good response to praise and enjoy being in charge of situations, thus I got the idea of a praise kink and sub/dom kink. The choking kink was based off of my own ideals of your persona, mainly being that you'd prefer to do the choking, tying into the sub/dom situation.

 **Noato:** Theyre just educated guesses, really.

 **Noato:** Although, based off of your reaction just now, I can say that my guesses were right on the mark?

 **Pants:** Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD.

 **Dick Boys:** DID AKECHI JUST EXPOSE HIS OWN KINKS

~ _**Light Yagami** has left the chat_ ~

~ _**Dick Boys** has added **Light Yagami** to the chat _ ~

 **Dick Boys:** No no no you cant leave right after we find out this comedy gold

 **Light Yagami:** I hate this fucking chat more than I hate myself

 **Noato:** My apologizes, Akechi, but my one goal is to get to the truth.

 **S:** naoto im about to piss myself laugingg thank you so muchfhb

 **squid kid:** best detective best detective best detective

 **Pants:** [ banging pots and pans together ] BEST DETECTIVE BEST DETECTIVE BEST D

 **Noato:** Thank you all for having me, and to all a good night.

~ _**Noato** has left the chat_ ~

 **S:** im shaking in my nikes at the raw power that this convo emits

 **hamilton:** Please remind me to stay on everyone's good side because that was the most frightening experience of my life

 **Queen:** If anyone threatened you with this Id kill them.

 **Fox:** Speaking of this, where has Akechi gone?

 **Dick** **Boys:**  Akechi buddy? You there?

 **Light Yagami:** Leave me alone before I slit your throat

 **S:** wouldn't you rather choke him?

**Light Yagami:**

**S:**  wait

 **S:**  WAIT

 **Pants:**  I cant believe Ryuji is going to be dead for real

 **Queen:**  He will be missed.

 **hamilton:**  Indeed....

 **squid kid:**  how long until the funeral?

 **S:**  DONT LET HIM KILL ME YUSUKE

 **Fox:**  I will miss you, Ryuji.

 **S:**  GRACNGFHCVB

 **S:** I CANT DIE LIKE THIS

 **Light Yagami:**  Open your FUCKING door

 **Dick Boys:**  Jesus christ ive never seen him so infuriated

 **Queen:**  Note to self: don't mock a man's kinks.

 **hamilton:**  Indeed. It can be very dangerous

 **S:** GGGGVVVBV HES OUTSIDESFGBBV PICKING LOCK

 **Fox:**  Very, very dangerous indeed....

 **S:**  FVVHJN

 **S:**  G

**S:**

**Light Yagami:**  The evil is defeated.

 **Pants:**  D. Did you kill him

 **Light Yagami:**  ～^_^

 **Pants:** WHAT THE F

 **Dick Boys:**  Rip ryucky

 **Fox:** Goodnight, sweet prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to go to a concert last night and wrote this on a bus at 2 AM so um the more you know 
> 
> also the running gag is ryujis death now smh,,,, 
> 
> [ ill fix the tags later bc im in class rn lol ]


	3. Keith ruins everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick Boys: Big ol fuckin worm man (made out of worms)
> 
> S: whatever youre smokin hmu with it because you've got to be high off your ass rn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter is short sorry yalls

{ _6:32 PM - Saturday_ }

 

**"Akechi's kinks live"**

**Dick Boys:** K Akechi its past 6:30 give ryucky his phone back

 **Light Yagami:** D. Do i really have to

 **Pants:** U know the deal

 **Queen:** I am fully prepared to press enter after typing out a name of my choice.

 **squid kid:** shes ready to change ur screenname to kinky chokey boy in all of our chats basically lol

 **Light Yagami:** Fuck off, I'm doing it now

 **hamilton:** To be honest I'm still laughing at the fact that Akechi just stole Ryuji's phone

 **Pants:** I cant believe we thought he was dead

 **Pants:** Honestly nvbnb. what did we expect

 **Dick Boys:** Tbh Ryuji could be dead???? I haven't seen him since so he's legally dead in my book

 **Fox:** I doubt that he's dead. I just saw him today.

 **squid kid:** fake ryuji planted by the government. prime minister shido is in charge of the coverup

 **Light Yagami:** The deed is done. Are you assholes happy

 **Dick Boys:** Yes. Yes we are.

 **S:** am., am i back.....

 **S:** I LIVED BITCH

 **Pants:** Welcome back ryucky!!!!!

 **hamilton:** Yes! Welcome back!

 **Queen:** Congratulations.

 **S:** thanks dudes! i just cant believe im not dead ? when he came into my room after picking the lock i thought he was going to murder me, especially with the knife in his pocket lol

 **Pants:** The what in his what now

 **S:** the knife in his pocket

 **Dick Boys:** Akechi... honey.... light of my life......

 **Light Yagami:** Yeah

 **Dick Boys:** Sorry to ask but....Why the actual literal fucking hell were you carrying a knife

 **Light Yagami:** For protection

 **squid kid:** the man who.. the man who broke into ryujis dorm room after threatening to kill him needed a knife for . protection.

 **Light Yagami:** Yes

 **squid kid:** what did you need protecting from

 **Light Yagami:** Sakamoto

 **S:** YOU BROKE INTO MY ROOM

 **Light Yagami:** You've been documented to have violent behaviors before, so why would I take any chances?????? It's fairly well known that people end up like their parents, after all

**S:**

~ _**Queen** has changed **Light Yagami** 's name to **Kinky Chokey Boy**_ ~

 **squid kid:** oh my god you fucking dick

 **Queen:** You deserve much worse for that remark, but this this was all I could think to do right now.

 **Pants:** That was too far, Akechi

 **Dick Boys:** Whats been up your ass lately????? I know you're normally pissy but you usually aren't this much of an asshole?

 **Kinky Chokey Boy:** All of you fuck off

~ _**Kinky Chokey Boy** has left the chat _ ~

 **Queen:** Ugh.

 **hamilton:** You know that none of us think of you as violent, right Ryuji? That was just him being a dick.

 **S:** nah dude i know

 **S:** im not hung up over that shit anymore

 **S:** kamoshida was a dickhead who deserved to be punched in his ugly face. even if it ruined my some of my life i don't regret it anymore because he's rotting in jail where he belongs and im sitting here knowing that i punched that cuntbag while i still could

 **Dick Boys:** Im proud of you for being strong but? That comment about your parents was really uncalled for?

 **S:** im over that too man lol

 **S:** my old man used to have me fucked up but he's been gone for years now? i still hate him with my entire soul bc he ruined my mom's life but talking about him doesn't bother me anymore because i can think "fuck you shitthead" or "can't wait to see you in hell so i can bash your dumbass face in!" or something

 **Pants:** Still, saying that you'll end up like him.....

 **S:** It aint true!!!!!! because ive got a dope ass crew that'll be there to beat the shit out of me if i even take one step in the wrong direction!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **squid kid:** "aint" "dope ass crew"

 **S:** exhibit a!!

 **Fox:** I'm proud of you, Ryuji. You've grown to be very strong.

 **S:** dude don't talk about me like youre my mom

 **hamilton:** I hate to say this after what happened, but I'm a little worried about Akechi.....

 **squid kid:** right now im more worried about the two gays from wild kratts than that asshole

 **Fox:** I believe that they are brothers?

 **squid kid:** WHAT

 **squid kid:** INARI WHAT KIND OF JOKE

 **Pants:** Actually I think Yusuke is right?????

 **squid kid:** n. no way

 **squid kid:** im looking it up brb

 **Queen:** Anyways, while I'm angry at him as well, I do think that Haru has a point....

 **Dick Boys:** First off, Ryuji, are you sure you're alright??

 **S:** yeah? why should i care what keith from voltron has to say to me

 **Pants:** Keith from voltron? How did you relate Keith and Akechi??????

 **S:** they both have uglyass mullets

 **Pants:** FXDFSDVBJ

 **squid kid:** oh my GOD THEY ARE BROTHERS

 **squid kid:** im so fucking infuriated rn why are they brothers

 **Pants:** Bc they're based on real people,???

 **squid kid:** what.

 **S:** omae wa mou shinderu

 **Queen:** What?

 **S:** DCDFFGGGJJGF

 **Queen:** Ryuji, you didn't even type out the kanji? What are you trying to convey here?

 **Dick Boys:** Embrace the meme, Makoto. Embrace the meme

 **hamilton:** makoto envies memeing experts

 **hamilton:** meme.

 **Dick Boys:** Oh my god

 **squid kid:** no no no no no stfu all of you

 **squid kid:** the wild kratts were my _ONE_  reason for living and now they aren't even gay?

 **Dick Boys:** What about Kana?

 **squid kid:** the wild kratts were _ONE OUT OF TWO_ of my reasons for living and now they aren't even gay?

 **Queen:** Anyways. Do you have any idea what's bothering Akechi, Akira?

 **Dick Boys:** No...

 **hamilton:** I was really surprised earlier.. he usually isn't that aggressive

 **Pants:** We sort of did humiliate him by exposing his kinks but?

 **squid kid:** his alignment is chaotic evil......

 **Dick Boys:** Let's just give him space guys. We can continue as usual for now

 **squid kid:** good idea. anyways anyone here know what arthur is

 **Fox:** The children's show?

 **squid kid:** yes.

 **Fox:** I may have heard of it before.

 **squid kid:** cool

 **Queen:** Is that all you're saying....?

 **squid kid:** yeah

 **Dick Boys:** I know I just said we can continue as usual but I was wrong this is boring af

 **Dick Boys:** I want my fuckbuddy back. We're figuring this out today.

 **Pants:** Ive been waiting for this moment in our friendships..... The time for an Operation.........

~ _**Pants** has changed the chat name to **Operation Save The Mullet**_ ~

 **S:** operation s &m

 **Pants:** Operation stfu before I break your legs

 **Dick Boys:** Operation everybody stop drop and roll, I'm too hot

 **Queen:** Operation Lesbian

 **hamilton:** Operation be more chill

 **Fox:** Operation I'm drowning in stress and fear because I have a project due next week that I can't perfect.

 **squid kid:**  operation anyone in this thread smoke weed?

 **Dick Boys:** Operation operation begin

 **S:** operation s &m?

 **Dick Boys:** Operation s &m.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so basically i just got out of school for the break & now im going to be marching forth and picking up my production. im sorry for this godawful setup chapter bc i want to have enough room for a holiday chapter lol


	4. anti-climactic climax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S: yeah so? sorry to send this here but can someone help me get my penis out of this keyhole
> 
> S: *PEN FUCK I MEANT PEN
> 
> Dick Boys: I think we all know what you meant, Ryuji
> 
> hamilton: ^^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate this 1 lol sorry to put out something im not proud of but i messed w this one for too long to delete it smh

{ _9:43 PM - Saturday_ }

  
**"Operation Save The Mullet"**

 

 **Dick Boys:** ALRIGHT LADIES we are myth busting this motherfucker

 **Pants:** Yeah !

 **squid kid:** hell yeah

 **hamilton:** Let's get to work!!!!

 **S:** okay i hate to be the one to say this but wtf are we going to do

 **Dick Boys:** Bust the motherfucker, obviously?

 **Queen:** I hate to agree with Ryuji like this but. He's right. Whats our plan here?

 **Dick Boys:** We just. Bust the motherfucker do I need to speak up that's our plan

 **Queen:** No, I'm just confused on how you're going to "bust the motherfucker" without a real plan?

 **Pants:** Makoto are you calling our plan fake?

 **Queen:** Yes.

 **Pants:** I see.

 **Pants:** Akira, permission to kick Makoto???

 **hamilton:** Permission denied.

 **Dick Boys:** The lady has spoken she's staying

 **Dick Boys:** She also raises a good point?

 **Dick Boys:** Yall give me a few Im thinking up a big one

 **squid kid:** yall

 **S:** yall

 **Pants:** Yall

 **hamilton:** Yall

 **Fox:** Y'all.

 **Queen:** Y'all.

 **Dick Boys:** Thanks for the thinking time guys I really appreciate it

 **Pants:** You're welcome sir

 **Dick Boys:** K whatever I think I came up w some plans

 **S:** multiple

 **Dick Boys:** Yeah'.

 **Pants:** Okay so tell us them?

 **Dick Boys:** Aight. So Plan A.

 **Dick Boys:** We get Makoto to call Sae, who calls Akechi and tells him to meet her at a café for work shit.

 **S:** seems legit

 **Dick Boys:** He shows up and BAM. We're there. We confront him on his angsty bs and he spills

 **Queen:** I doubt that that would happen.

 **Dick Boys:** EXACTLY. Which is why I've got plan B.

 **Dick Boys:** So plan B is set up the same way but this time he doesn't tell us so basically we bug him through PMs until he tells us everything

 **hamilton:** These plans don't seem very solid.....

 **Fox:** I'm inclined to agree.

 **Dick Boys:** We don't have many options okay you incels?

 **S:** did you just fucking. call us incels

 **Pants:** I'm a Stacey

 **Queen:** I'm a Chad.

 **Pants:** Wow we're a perfect match..........

 **Fox:** Shiho and Haru just got cucked.

 **S:** WHY DO YOU KNOW THAT WORD

 **Fox:** Am I the only art student you've ever met? Cuck is an everyday word.

**S:**

**Dick Boys:** ALL OF YOU SHUT UP

 **Dick Boys:** Okay so our next plan is

 **hamilton:** I cant believe Makoto is cheating on me :(((

 **Dick Boys:** Haru I love you but I stg

 **Queen:** She's mine, Akira.

 **Pants:** But babe :'(

 **Dick Boys:** SSTTOPPPP

 **Dick Boys:** OKAY, So our next plan is if he declines the invitation? We just bother him until he tells us or fucks off

 **S:** understandable

 **squid kid:** undertale

 **Fox:** Undertail.

 **squid kid:** GGGGGAAAAAAHH

 **Dick Boys:** One more plan

 **Queen:** Which is...?

 **Dick Boys:** We kill him

 **squid kid:** UNDERSTANDABLE DFGBNHFH

 **S:** Hey akira do you accept criticism on your plans

 **Dick Boys:** No

 **S:** I see, but at the same time i don't care so? your plans fucking blow

 **Dick Boys:** Okay, tell me a better plan? I'm waiting! Meanwhile, Im going to get my pumpkin spice latte from the counter because my name was just called thanks sweethearts !!

 **Pants:** Akira Kurusu is the most petty and extra man I've ever met

**Fox:**

**S:** babe i love you but god knows you'll never match up to him in extraness

 **Dick Boys:** Im back! Anyone got a plan yet ? No?????? Oh my gosh, I'm so surprised!!!!

**S:[die.gif](http://www.imagesbuddy.com/images/93/2013/08/hey-why-dont-you-just-shut-the-fuck-up-graphic.gif)**

**Queen:** Just PM him.

 **Dick Boys:** But then my plans would go to waste :((

 **squid kid:** extra......

 **Pants:** Akira I'm going to beat your fucking legs just PM him

 **Dick Boys:** Why me though >:(

 **Fox:** I..... thought that that's quite obvious?

 **squid kid:** even inari knows that dicktective would suck your dick at a seconds notice

 **Dick Boys:** What

 **Dick Boys:** You mean he likes me or whatever???? Yeah I knew but like. Still? Why me

 **S:** what

 **Queen:** Y. You've known

 **Dick Boys:** Yeah

 **Pants:** Christ

 **hamilton:** Akira's traits: petty, extra, evil

 **Dick Boys:** HOW AM I EVIL????

 **Queen:** First of all.

 **Dick Boys:** Akechi is fucked up in the head smh I don't want to make him worse

 **hamilton:** What a mean way to put it????

 **Dick Boys:** K but I'm a greasy, glasses wearing bisexual who would walk in front of a moving truck for fun ? Akechi is walking sleep deprivation and borderline depression so ngl I don't think we'd work out?

 **Pants:** Bitch stfu and PM him

 **Dick Boys:** :/

 **Fox:** Fucking drama queen....

 **squid kid:** FGSRSFGHHJKLO

  
~ _Private Conversation between **GA** and **AK** _ ~

 **AK:** Yo dawg how are you?  
**AK:** That was a shit intro sorry lol  
**AK:** I was just wondering if you were feeling better???????

 **GA:** Has your IQ lowered since the last time we talked

 **AK:** Okay good you're alive  
**AK:** Idc if you respond rn so I'm just gonna talk????  
**AK:** I'm still pissed abt what you said to Ryuji but? Hes forgiven you so Ive got to drop some of my pettiness for this convo  
**AK:** Basically Im saying that everyone's worried about you and I am too so??? Please tell me what's wrong  
**AK:** If its personal I won't tell anyone so just. Talk to me

 **GA:** Ugh  
**GA:** Dont push it nothing's wrong

 **AK:** Run on sentences mean you're bad off

 **GA:** Akira I swear to god

 **AK:** I'm not going to push it  
**AK:** I just. Want you to trust me

 **GA:** I do trust you, for the most part???  
**GA:** It's really nothing  
**GA:** Just my dad

 **AK:** Ah  
**AK:** Do you want to talk about it?

 **GA:** Not really  
**GA:** I guess that something Futaba said pissed me off too

 **AK:** What was it???

 **GA:** I cant even remember anymore  
**GA:** It didn't matter

 **AK:** I feel like it still does

 **GA:** Akira

 **AK:** Sorry  
**AK:** Do you want me to come over?

 **GA:** I live like 5 miles from the campus ?

 **AK:** I'll catch a bus smh

 **GA:** Ugh  
**GA:** But thanks

 **AK:** :)

  
**"Operation Save The Mullet"**

 **Pants:** I'm just saying that my ass is my own business and I don't want anyone looking at it

 **S:** not even shiho lol

 **Pants:** Okay Shiho can look at my ass but if I see one more man looking at it I'm taking the shot

~ _**Dick Boys** has added **Kinky Chokey Boy** to the chat _ ~

~ _**Dick Boys** has changed **Kinky Chokey Boy** 's name to **Keith** _ ~

 **Dick Boys:** Hewwo????

 **Fox:** Akira. You are one of my best friends and I love you with my entire being, but if you ever type that again I'm kicking you.

 **Keith:** Pro: he loves you ; Con: you typed out "hewwo" with your own fucking hands

 **Pants:** Acuntchi!!!!

 **squid kid:** cunt

 **S:** hey bitch boy

**Keith:**

**Dick Boys:** lol don't you have something to say

 **Keith:** I don't believe so, no

 **Queen:** Apologize.

 **hamilton:** Yeah!!! It was really mean, what you said to Ryuji!

 **Keith:** Ugh

 **Keith:** Alright. I'm sorry Sakamoto, what I said was really out of line. I wasn't in the greatest of moods but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Again, I'm sorry.

 **S:** thx

 **squid kid:** ive got my fucking eyes on you, mullet boy

 **Keith:** Mullet boy

 **Dick Boys:** Hey mullet boy where do you keep your hot chocolate mix

 **Keith:** Same place as the mugs

 **Pants:** Why wtf that's stupid

 **S:** man keep that shit in a different cabinet? why would you keep it with the mugs???

 **Queen:** Is no one going to point out that Akira is inside of Akechi's apartment right now

 **S:** _akira is inside of akechi_

 **Dick Boys:** Not right now

 **hamilton:** Then when

 **Dick Boys:** Soon

 **Pants:** fggbchnb

 **S:** nasty hornies, stay away from me  >:(

 **Fox:** Alright.

 **S:** Wh

 **squid kid:** i am exiting this convo right now, thank you and goodbye to everyone except inari.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy late holiday fellas


	5. the name is shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S: i hate u akira
> 
> Dick Boys: Dont we all hate me though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont really care abt the name but i still prefer akira kurusu ngl

{ _9:42 PM - Sunday_ }

 

  
**"Operation Save The Mullet"**

  
**Dick Boys:** Hey guys I've got some big news!!!

~ _**Dick Boys** has changed the chat name to **The Big News!!!!**_ ~

 **Pants:** Omg what is it??? Are you & Akechi finally dating or???

 **Dick Boys:** No but I am changing my name!!

 **Queen:** What?

 **Dick Boys:** Its exactly as I said!

 **Dick Boys:** Goodbye Akira Kurusu, hello Ren Amamiya!!!!

~ _**Dick Boys** has changed their name to **Ren Amamiya** _ ~

 **Pants:** I.

 **Pants:** I don't like this.

 **squid kid:** i don't like this either,,,, wtf is up with the bad energy that comes from that name

 **Ren Amamiya:** What bad energy lol this is just my name now

 **hamilton:** That would be like calling Yu, Soji.............

 **Ren Amamiya:** Why would we call him Soji lmao

 **hamilton:** Exactly!!! So why should we call you Ren !!!

 **Ren Amamiya:** Because that's my name?

 **Queen:** But it's not.

 **hamilton:** But. But what if it is oh god

 **Pants:** Alright Akira this joke has gone on too far. You've pushed Haru into having an existential crisis

 **hamilton:** But.. What if it's been his name this whole time? Akira didn't even exist?

 **Pants:** See? Look at it. It's got anxiety!

 **hamilton:** Oh God what if I'm not even Haru? What if I'm .. Howey.....

 **Queen:** Haru, you aren't Howey.

 **hamilton:** That's what they want you to believe

 **squid kid:** she isn't even in character anymore smh look what you've done

 **Ren Amamiya:** What did I, Ren Amamiya, do to make this happen?

 **Pants:** Alright, Ren, hold on a sec then

 **Ren Amamiya:**?????

 **Queen:** What's she doing?

 **Ren Amamiya:** No idea tbh

 **hamilton:** Is... that Ann???? Yelling from the dorm window??????????

 **squid kid:** omg

 **Queen:** Unbelievable

 **Ren Amamiya:** Wtf?

 **Pants:** I just yelled "Ren Amamiya" out of my window for like a full minute!!!!!!! And you didn't respond!!! You only looked up when Haru pointed it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Ren Amamiya:** Did you scope me out on the campus

 **Pants:** Maybe

 **Pants:** But that's not the point! You're Akira Kurusu and this proves it!

 **Ren Amamiya:** Ive just got bad hearing. This proves nothing

 **Queen:** Lies.

 **Ren Amamiya:** What

 **Queen:** You have perfectly fine hearing? I've seen you look up when Ryuji yells at you from all the way across the campus

 **Ren Amamiya:** That's bc I know that he's doing it >:(

 **squid kid:** excuses excuses.....

 **Queen:** Honestly I feel like he's too deluded now. Let's just let him live.

 **Pants:** How could I? Akira is like my best friend smh i cant let him ruin his life like this

 **Ren Amamiya:** BITCH ITS 2018 ? MY LIFE IS GETTIN BETTER NOW

 **Ren Amamiya:** Also my name is *Ren

 **Pants:** You know what? He can die

 **S:** what the hell

 **S:** what has happened here

 **squid kid:** *kneels down and touches the ground*

 **squid kid:** something terrible happened here.....

 **S:** I really don't like this

 **S:** Akira dude are you okay

 **Ren Amamiya:** Im fine. Pls respect my decision to change my name :(

 **Fox:** What.

 **hamilton:** While im glad that there are more people here to convince """Ren""" that he's delusional now, ive got to ask? Where were you guys

 **S:** Meat Beat Mania

 **Pants:** Ew

 **Fox:** We were watching a movie.

 **Pants:** Aw

 **Ren Amamiya:** NO! Attention back on ME!!!!

 **Ren Amamiya:** Im changing my name ! And no cute domestic interactions can take away my thunder!

 **squid kid:** i think he's lost his mind

 **Ren Amamiya:** You know that I lost that a long time ago

 **Pants:** Alright um We need Help.

~ _**Pants** has added **Moonpie** to the chat_ ~

 **Pants:** Mishima please I'm begging you help us

 **Queen:** Good idea. We need someone with a semi-level head to help us here. Ann, can you tell him what's happening?

 **Pants:** Alright!! So basically Akira has lost his fucking mind and has decided his name is Ren Amamiya. We don't know what to do anymore and I'm shaking

 **S:** okay that's the story mishima buddy give us the diagnosis

 **Moonpie:** Death.

 **Pants:** FCDDHCHGBKK

 **Ren Amamiya:** :3 ?

 **Moonpie:** Akira what the hell are u thinking

 **Ren Amamiya:** Im thinking that this name is better and that yall are mean :(

 **Pants:** @Keith what are u thinking

 **Keith:** Im thinking he's a fucking dumbass

 **Ren Amamiya:** Babe no :((((((((((

 **Keith:** Akira have your brain cells died off entirely

 **squid kid:** im glad that weve established that today is bully akira day

 **S:** OH SHIT ITS NOT BULLY RYUJI DAY ANYMORE

 **Pants:** Congrats! You're free!

 **Moonpie:** Sorry, I'm confused ? What's happening like. For real

 **hamilton:** Mishima is too cute I don't want to do this to him

 **Moonpie:** Thank you i guess???

 **hamilton:** :)))

 **Ren Amamiya:** Mishima is very cute but not even that will stop me from keeping this name

 **Moonpie:** Why is everyone calling me cute all of a sudden?

 **Moonpie:** And, Akira??,, the name is really dumb

 **Ren Amamiya:** Bitch

 **Moonpie:**?!

 **Keith:** You've gone too far Akira

 **Moonpie:**?!?!?!??

 **Moonpie:** Im so confused ??? I don't even know who everyone is....

 **Pants:** I'm Ann, duh

 **S:** its ryuji dude

 **Ren Amamiya:** Im God so bend down and lick my shoes

 **Moonpie:** Im leaving

 **Pants:** FGRFJGJJ

 **Moonpie:** The fact that I used to have a crush on your dumb ass is hilarious to me now

 **hamilton:** We broke him guys

 **Moonpie:** Goodbye, Ren Amamiya

 **Ren Amamiya:** What did i do wtf

 **Moonpie:** Nothing in particular :)

 **hamilton:** Scary

 **Ren Amamiya:** Mishima honey what did I do

 **Moonpie:** Literally nothing lol I just wanted to try the scare tactic

 **Moonpie:** The cops in those American movies always get answers when they do it so I thought that I could too???

 **Moonpie:** Also "honey" haha

 **Queen:** Adorable.

 **Ren Amamiya:** Mishima tricked me. After I let him into my heart. My home. What a fool I was...

 **S:** ѕтƒυ αкιяα

 **Pants:** Dumb font

 **S:** :((

 **squid kid:** im still upset about the dumb name bs but at the same time.... u know.....

 **Keith:** Fuck him

 **squid kid:** exactly

 **Ren Amamiya:** Please do

 **Fox:** Akira.

 **Ren Amamiya:** Yes?

 **Ren Amamiya:** WAIT

 **Ren Amamiya:** I WAS BLINDED BECAUSE IT WAS YUSUKE

 **Pants:** WE GOT YOU BITCH

 **Queen:** He fell into a trap of his own making.....

 **squid kid:** fuck u kurusu

 **Ren Amamiya:** SSorry? Wjat happened? Yu had my phone?

 **Keith:** Akira, you're lying on my couch and trying not to laugh your ass off

 **Ren Amamiya:** Lies

 **Keith:** cease.jpg

 **Moonpie:** Lol this is sort of sad to witness

 **squid kid:** sad is what akira is lolol

 **Ren Amamiya:** Please...,,., thids can't end like this... I am Ren Amamiya

 **S:** dude, you're just embarrassing yourself now

 **Ren Amamiya:**.....

~ _**Ren Amamiya** has changed their name to **Kururururu**_ ~

 **Kururururu:** >:(

 **Queen:** Finally.

 **Moonpie:** I hated that

 **Pants:** Look, not to say I'd kill Akira? But I'd definitely push him down a flight of stairs

 **Keith:** Me too lol

 **S:** that's a lot more malicious when it comes from you

 **squid kid:** the push akira down the stairs foundation

 **squid kid:** pads for short

 **Pants:** Can you give me some money for pads? Sorry to ask but I do think it's a good cause

 **Kururururu:** Yallre mean :((

 **S:** you bullied us for hours you demon

 **Kururururu:** And??

 **S:** you deserve it?

 **Kururururu:** This right here? It's bullying

 **Moonpie:** Akira you are the biggest bully ive ever seen

**Kururururu:** _It's bullying_

**squid kid:** no, this is bullying

~ _**squid kid** has kicked **Kururururu** from the chat _ ~

 **Moonpie:** Thank you, stranger

 **squid kid:** np but give me your social security number

 **Queen:** And that's enough.

 **squid kid:** :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate this fic but im keeping it going with the knowledge that ill get better as i continue to write this shit lolol . i stress about it being "interesting" but honestly if i write about shit i find funny without a plot it's better imo. so uhhhhh ill try to be funny from now on heh

**Author's Note:**

> high stress situation bc idk how to write these kids yet and it's killing me? sorry if it's short or formatted wrong, im typing on my phone bc my laptop is dead like normal :(


End file.
